You’re tired. Everyone says take a break. But what if taking a break just doesn’t work…
I’m writing this on December 6, 2024.
On December 7 in 2023, I published a post called End-of-year burnout and what to do about it.
That post was an acknowledgement that I was burned out, an exploration of what that means, and an undertaking to do something about it.
I did in fact do something about it: I’ve spent the last year working on the topic and on myself – and it’s time to reflect.
What did I do?
I signed up with a burnout coach for five months of work Separately, and oddly, as part of my work for a client, I was part of writing a series of articles about burnout (links at the bottom of the post) based on extensive research into the subject.
In the coaching, and in the writing, I did a lot of work on myself, and a lot of work on changing how I do things.
Did it work?
At the end of the five months my coach, Marjorie Daniel asked if I thought the process had worked. I said I felt it had, but that I’d only know at the end of the year if it had really and truly worked.
It is now the end of that year, and I can say that it did indeed work: three weeks before the end of the year, I do not feel tired or burned out.
Last year, I listed my feelings like this:
ONE: I felt tired. So was everyone around me. We were all, in a memorable recent LinkedIn post by Natasha Joseph, feeling like this:
It’s that time of year when we use up the last of our fingernails to crawl towards the finishing line; run out of “kind regards”, as the wise Nontobeko Mtshali puts it, and find ourselves gazing more longingly than usual at the couch or the swimming pool, depending on the hemisphere and who we are as people.
There were no kind regards to be seen anywhere in late November 2023.
TWO: deep irritation with things that I previously would have found amusing, or not even noticed.
THREE: an inability to feel that I cared about any of the work that I do (and which I love, and find meaningful).
FOUR: a feeling of what I can only describe as loose-endedness, of not being able to settle to anything, even the hobbies and pastimes that usually sustain me.
(For the record, those are all classic signs of burnout as defined by the World Health Organisation.)
At the end of 2024, I don’t feel like that at all. I have a sick dog, and a lot of work on the go, and the usual festive season social demands. There’s a big family birthday and Christmas coming up, not a great deal of available cash, a sore knee, a garden full of weeds and the December heat is setting in – the list goes on.
But I am not tired, I’m still enjoying my work and launching new projects and am crocheting and baking and sewing as time allows. I will admit to some irritability, but those who know me will attest that crabbiness is part of ground zero Renee (the dog with night-time diarrhoea doesn’t help any).
And yet there are really, truly, plenty of kind regards to go around.
So what did I learn?
First things first: it’s important to distinguish between tiredness and burnout. These things exist on a continuum. If you’ve had a busy and demanding period, and you take a break, and feel restored, all will be well. But if you feel tired, and a break doesn’t help, and you keep pushing yourself, you’re going to enter the cycle that leads to burnout.
Secondly, burnout is almost always due to a combination of things. For example, if you work in full-time employment, a toxic boss combined with your own desire to keep trying to fix it will push you over the edge. Burnout in corporate settings is often a result of systemic factors getting entangled in the individual’s own work ethic and habits.
If you are self-employed as I am, your own work ethic may be in play, in combination with your need to keep the financial boat afloat and your personal circumstances.
In my case, coaching helped me to identify the main things happening with me: a sense of being responsible for everything, all the time, combined with internal critical dialogues and a tendency to box my feelings away. Learning to be clear about what I am responsible for and what I am not is an ongoing, lifelong process. Equally, asking for help in clear, calm way is a skill I will always be refining. Daily journalling about my feelings is now a habit. And then there’s my gratitude practice. All this takes a good hour every morning, and I could not get through the day without it.
Thirdly, self-care in the form of taking a break (whether small or long) is important but it doesn’t help to deal with burnout in the long term. In the words of burnout expert Nick Petrie:
Most people try rest as the solution. But after they have rested, they return unchanged to an unchanged workplace, which leads to a repeat episode of burnout or an escalation in intensity.
Instead of self-care, what’s needed for long-term mental health is engaging in deep personal self-reflection and then taking steps to make the necessary changes in your life. A handy list of the kinds of changes that might be needed can be found here: Ask Alto : The eight habits of high performers that reduce the risk of burnout.
My personal favourites (again – not that I do these perfectly; just that I try and fail, and try again):
- Establish clear boundaries between work and personal life – create rituals to transition in and out of “work mode”, like a commute or dedicated workspace. Limit after-hours work.
- Maintain a multidimensional identity – don’t let your work or career be your sole source of identity. Cultivate other interests and roles.
Final word
Changing who you are and how you do your work is hard. But ending every working year feeling awful is harder. If you think you are at risk of burnout, it’s time to stop and take stock. Yes, that end-of-year holiday is a good idea – but try to use some of the time to plan some changes. I am deeply grateful to my previous self for pushing me to do this – and you will be too.
Main picture: Woman taking a picture in the middle of a “salar” (lake) in the desert of Atacama, Chile. By José M. Reyes, Unsplash
OTHER THINGS I’VE WRITTEN
End-of-year burnout and what to do about it | Safe Hands
Inner work: Strange and lovely journeys | Safe Hands
Learning the power of gratitude | Safe Hands
Getting things done by doing fewer things | Safe Hands
THREE ARTICLES ABOUT BURNOUT
Ask Alto : Burnout – what causes it and how to deal with it
AltoPartners | Ask Alto : How leadership can tackle burnout
Ask Alto : The eight habits of high performers that reduce the risk of burnout
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